Eastwick on ABC

Not all works of art and literature have to be feminist. Feminism itself is comprised of many different ideas and viewpoints, so even if you tried to create the “most feminist work evar,” you could never please everyone. As long as the female characters feel like real people, with hearts, minds, motivations and weaknesses, I can enjoy it. However, I take issue with works that wear a veneer of empowerment and girl power, but in the end serve up the same old stereotypical view of how men see women: that we’re fickle, emotional creatures who don’t know what we really want, who use our looks to manipulate but get offended when men judge us on our appearance, and who need a strong patriarch to survive in the world.

Eastwick is a major offender, not because it pushes these viewpoints, but because it pushes them as empowerment. You should be proud when a character releases her inhibitions and becomes a sexy, powerful woman, even when she’s abusing that power to steal from her boss. Putting your dignity up for auction is perfectly acceptable, as long it’s for a guy with a big dick so you and your girlfriends can fantasize about it in a girl power-y way. I have presented the evidence but readers beware: be ready for boobs, double entendres, drunkenness, and girls talking about sex! Because that’s what women like, right?

The Evidence:
The original incarnation of Eastwick is the John Updike novel The Witches of Eastwick, which has seen many different iterations throughout the years.  The pilot, written by Maggie Friedman and starring Rebecca Romijn, Lindsay Price, and Jaime Ray Newman, was touted as Sex and the City with magic.  That should have been my first warning sign, but I ignored it, hoping it would be a wittier, more sophisticated Charmed, with both awesome special effects and sexy drama.  Even the quirky creepiness and raunchy dialogue of The Witches of Eastwick movie from 1987 would suffice.  Unfortunately, the show falls short of all of the above, and becomes a contradictory mishmash of empowering feminism and derogatory misogyny.

The first shot of Roxie (Rebecca Romijn)

First, we are introduced to the character of Roxie (Rebecca Romijn).  Or rather, Roxie’s boobs.  The first shot is of nothing but her cleavage, and once the camera pans to her face, she rebukes the viewer for staring at said cleavage.  It’s objectifying, but since Roxie calls the show out on it, she’s characterized as a strong, capable, empowered woman!  And of course, it serves to show that all the townspeople think she’s slutty and free-spirited, but couldn’t the writers have established that by having several characters call her a slut in the first scene?  Wait, they did that too?  Subtlety, thy name is not Eastwick.

Joanna (Lindsay Price) before and after her magic "makeover"

As the pilot progresses, we learn more about the other witches, Joanna (Lindsay Price) and Amy (Jaime Ray Newman).  Joanna is a writer at the local newspaper: she ties her hair in a tight bun, as all uptight women do.  She works hard, but her writing is lackluster and her boss finds any excuse to become overly familiar with her boobs (am I sensing a pattern here?)  However, once Darryl Van Horne (Paul Gross) comes to town, she discovers that she can use her eyes to hypnotize and control men.  Despite Joanna’s perseverance and hard work, she only gets the promotion, the raise and a kiss from the man of her dreams once she lets her hair down and makes her appearance the focal point for men.  Seriously, isn’t that how all fairy tales work?  But since it’s set in the present day, it’s empowering!

Amy is the selfless wife to a boorish, unemployed husband and the mother of a large brood of children.  Despite the fact that her husband is an alcoholic, abusive jerk who is one meme away from “make me a sammich woman”, she stays with him and becomes a martyr for the relationship, working a job as a nurse while he drinks beer in a hammock.

Amy (Jaime Ray Newman

It’s a heart-tugging, sympathy-driving story line that has as much nuance as a relationship between Hitler and a Care Bear.  She eventually uses her powers to lightning bolt her husband during an argument, and he survives but continues to be a jerk.  When Amy announces she wants a divorce, he threatens to take their children.  I’m sure the demands of an unemployed, alcoholic father who thinks that his wife has supernatural powers are going to hold up well in court.  Amy seems to think so, and during a moment of desperation, Darryl Van Horne offers his lawyer with a warmly paternalistic “Just let me take care of you.”

Darryl Van Horne (Paul Gross)

Van Horne is in a league of his own: he can stop Roxie’s speech about empowerment with one glimpse of his massive “full size SUV” schlong, he can make Roxie’s refusal to sculpt him nude sound like an invitation for rape (“You asked for this” and “Just take it and be happy”) and he can also punch an actual rapist with a smarmy “You touch her again and I’ll kill ya.”  He’s a man’s man, so charming that he can insult a woman and still make her feel wanted.  I’m actually convinced that he’s a result of a scientific experiment to combine Mr. Big and the World’s Most Interesting Man.  His most impressive feat in the entire episode is having enough self-restraint to keep from slapping Roxie when she kisses him and then slaps him.  Then kisses him again and slaps him again.  He takes it all in good humor, because he is the World’s Most Interesting Mr. Big Man.

The one good thing I will say about the show is that I appreciate that they feature a variety of different body types.  Joanna and Roxie are not extremely skinny, while Amy is, and Joanna’s friend is the lovely Sara Rue, whom I remember from Popular way back in the day.  However, as with everything else with Eastwick it’s a kiss and a slap: Ms. Rue gets to utter the line: “I thought we weren’t eating carbs this month!”  Because you know how us girls are: our crazy fad diets are how we bond.  That, and talking about schlongs and vibrators.

Geek Verdict:
If you want a comedic soap opera with light tinges of magic and no brain matter whatsoever, then this show is for you. A lot of the misogynistic undertones (or hammer blows rather) can probably be blamed on the source material, but it could have been handled with a more delicate, ironic touch. The humor is stale, the characters annoying, and geeks will want to roast this show at the stake.

Tags: eastwick, geek reviews, television

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 24th, 2009 at 11:07 am and is filed under Geek Reviews. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.